SoonerBlue

"Are you ready for the next outbreak that sounds really scary, so the media's freaking out? Swine flu. Have you heard that? Yes, apparently swine flu has appeared in the U.S. This particular virus started in Mexico, and spread from pigs to humans. Probably during spring break. I'm sorry, have I offended pigs? I apologize." --Bill Maher

"President Obama hauled in the presidents of the credit card companies and said the days of tricky fine print and sudden rate increases and late fees are over. And he also demanded to know what kind of screwed up, cracker name was MasterCard." --Bill Maher

"Unemployment is continually rising, foreclosures are through the roof. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, 'If this van's a-rockin', it's because we live here now.'" --Bill Maher

"Of course, the really big news is what's going on in Washington, and Obama opening the door, now, to prosecuting former Bush officials about torture, or, as they call it, severe interrogation procedures, which include waterboarding, sleep deprivation, forced nudity. We have outlawed all of these practices, although they are still challenges on 'The Love of Ray-J,' which is a television show." --Bill Maher

"It's interesting how the progression changes with the Republicans. First, when they talked about torture, it was, 'Well, there's just a few bad apples.' Then it was, 'Okay, we did it a couple of times.' Then it was not really torture, and now, it works." --Bill Maher

"They first said they tortured this Khaled Sheikh Mohammed -- and by the way, if there's anyone who deserved it, it was him -- but first they said they did it once. Now it comes out 183 times that they waterboarded this motherf**ker in a month. This comes out to six times in a day. I would think after that, you get used to it. He was showing up at his torture sessions in flip flops and a beach towel, with a Danielle Steele novel. 'Would you like sparkling or flat waterboarding today, sir?'" --Bill Maher

"No, it is fun watching the Republicans trying to defend torture, because they insist that what's wrong with the Democrats on this issue is they don't get what it's like in the 'real world.' And, to prove it, they cite Jack Bauer, a character from a television show." --Bill Maher

"Dick Cheney is all over television defending this. He said yesterday, he would be happy to undergo waterboarding himself, but his heart might rust." --Bill Maher

Groups currently more relevant than Republicans include the Eskimo Film Society, the American Ferret Breeders Club -- and the Itty Bitty Tittie Committee.

Yeah, I know ...everybody is yammering about "Benedict Arlen" and killer flu, and I'll get to that later, but I'm still pissed about that freaky NYC flyover.

The Idiot of the Week award goes to Louis Caldera, director of the White House Military Office, for authorizing a stunt that scared the crap out of New York City.

Hey, who knew that seeing a Boeing 747 flying low and being chased by fighter jets above lower Manhattan would alarm people? Flying so low that people on the ground could see the plane's rivets when it went over their neighborhood.

Duh! Any school kid would know that was an asinine idea...

What a colossal military/bureaucratic eff up...it would be funny unless you were one of those poor people who ran out of the building shaking and crying. How could our government not know the level of collective PTSD this city has...not know how much fear and panic this stunt would cause? People were falling downstairs...a pregnant woman was carried away on a stretcher...

It looks as if Obama himself didn't know about this in advance...BUT it was a boneheaded decision coming out of his administration and of course he is "furious."

Dang, doesn't the Defense Dept. think that Obama has enough to worry about?!

Late in the day Louis Caldera made a statement - he's sorry:

"Last week, I approved a mission over New York. I take responsibility for that decision. While federal authorities took the proper steps to notify state and local authorities in New York and New Jersey, it's clear that the mission created confusion and disruption. I apologize and take responsibility for any distress that flight caused."

Wonder how long it will be until Caldera "decides" to resign to spend more time with his family? I heard on TV that he was called in for a "meeting" with the president...

You'd think the state of New York should also take some flack because they didn't alert the public that this was going to happen. Apparently the F.A.A. notified someone in Mayor Bloomberg’s office last Thursday about the flyover. The F.A.A. also notified 911 and 311 operators, the NYC Police Department, the New Jersey State Police and the United States Park Police.

So...New York City seemed to know about it, but guess why they didn't tell the public about it? Because the Defense Department made them promise not to!

If the "mission" was to demonstrate how stupid and insensitive our government can be, then "mission" accomplished.

Of course, righties are using this as a partisan attack on President Obama, like he was the one who personally authorized the mission...but they only make themselves look petty and overly partisan. However, they're right to holler about the $300,000 cost of this idiotic photp op.

And how the greenies are hollering about how much fuel a 747 and two F-16s used just to update a file photo...and I don't blame them.

...that I'd like to put in my archives. Three quilts and a newborn foal.

Wall hangings and quilts are what I love to do most...to work in my sewing room is sheer pleasure. All the cares of the world melt away as I cut and sew. The wall-hanging with the house in the middle is inspired by a 100 y/o quilt I once saw...notice the tiny sailboats in the corners.

The black and silver one is an old pioneer quilt block called Monkey Wrench...I love intricate patterns such as this, reminds me of an M.C. Escher drawing. The tiny one is my own idea, made for someone who likes cows, there are cows inside those stars. I put a spool of thread by it to show how small. Believe it or not, these miniatures go for bigger bucks that the larger ones.

The little foal was born that morning and very special to me - the first one that I helped into the world all by myself because the vet was late. Well, the mare did all the work. It was scary but thrilling. Can you imagine those long legs folded up inside it's mama?

Oh yes, here's the link. If you click on them the pictures become larger.

"The Republican base is behaving like a guy who just got dumped by his wife.That's what you are, the bitter divorced guy whose country has left him -- obsessing over it, haranguing it, blubbering one minute about how much you love it and vowing the next that if you cannot have it, nobody will."

The GOP: divorced from reality

By Bill Maher, April 24, 2009

If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments.

It's been a week now, and I still don't know what those "tea bag" protests were about. I saw signs protesting abortion, illegal immigrants, the bank bailout and that gay guy who's going to win "American Idol." But it wasn't tax day that made them crazy; it was election day. Because that's when Republicans became what they fear most: a minority.

The conservative base is absolutely apoplectic because, because ... well, nobody knows. They're mad as hell, and they're not going to take it anymore. Even though they're not quite sure what "it" is. But they know they're fed up with "it," and that "it" has got to stop.

Here are the big issues for normal people: the war, the economy, the environment, mending fences with our enemies and allies, and the rule of law.

And here's the list of Republican obsessions since President Obama took office: that his birth certificate is supposedly fake, he uses a teleprompter too much, he bowed to a Saudi guy, Europeans like him, he gives inappropriate gifts, his wife shamelessly flaunts her upper arms, and he shook hands with Hugo Chavez and slipped him the nuclear launch codes.

Do these sound like the concerns of a healthy, vibrant political party?

It's sad what's happened to the Republicans. They used to be the party of the big tent; now they're the party of the sideshow attraction, a socially awkward group of mostly white people who speak a language only they understand. Like Trekkies, but paranoid.

The GOP base is convinced that Obama is going to raise their taxes, which he just lowered. But, you say, "Bill, that's just the fringe of the Republican Party." No, it's not. The governor of Texas, Rick Perry, is not afraid to say publicly that thinking out loud about Texas seceding from the Union is appropriate considering that ... Obama wants to raise taxes 3% on 5% of the people? I'm not sure exactly what Perry's independent nation would look like, but I'm pretty sure it would be free of taxes and Planned Parenthood. And I would have to totally rethink my position on a border fence.

I know. It's not about what Obama's done. It's what he's planning. But you can't be sick and tired of something someone might do.

Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota recently said she fears that Obama will build "reeducation" camps to indoctrinate young people. But Obama hasn't made any moves toward taking anyone's guns, and with money as tight as it is, the last thing the president wants to do is run a camp where he has to shelter and feed a bunch of fat, angry white people.

Look, I get it, "real America." After an eight-year run of controlling the White House, Congress and the Supreme Court, this latest election has you feeling like a rejected husband. You've come home to find your things out on the front lawn -- or at least more things than you usually keep out on the front lawn. You're not ready to let go, but the country you love is moving on. And now you want to call it a whore and key its car.

That's what you are, the bitter divorced guy whose country has left him -- obsessing over it, haranguing it, blubbering one minute about how much you love it and vowing the next that if you cannot have it, nobody will.

But it's been almost 100 days, and your country is not coming back to you. She's found somebody new. And it's a black guy.

The healthy thing to do is to just get past it and learn to cherish the memories. You'll always have New Orleans and Abu Ghraib.

And if today's conservatives are insulted by this, because they feel they're better than the people who have the microphone in their party, then I say to them what I would say to moderate Muslims: Denounce your radicals. To paraphrase George W. Bush, either you're with them or you're embarrassed by them.

The thing that you people out of power have to remember is that the people in power are not secretly plotting against you. They don't need to. They already beat you in public.

Bill Maher is the host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher."

President Obama is taking a lot of heat for releasing memos on the "prisoner interrogation" policies of the GWBush White House. Horrifying documents that expose the use of torture...acts that are not only immoral and illegal, but a violation of this country’s most basic values.

It took courage for Obama to overrule his own CIA director when he ordered these Top Secret memos to be made public. He assured CIA operatives that they wouldn't be prosecuted for doing the terrible things their superiors told them were legal.

At least Obama is not going to follow Bush’s example of punishing only the small fry - like soldier Lynndie England of Abu Ghraib fame.

Some people think that these memos will be a tool in the hands of our enemies. Other people say that there were no secrets in the memos...that all of our methods of torture, excuse me, "enhanced interrogation techniques" have been published, are well known and our enemies have no new information.

Some people think Obama didn't go far enough...that shining light on the truth is a good start, but we need to investigate the White House lawyers who told the perpetrators that this kind of torture was legal.

They think it's Obama's obligation to pursue evidence of a government policy that approved this torture and abuse...which is a violation of international law and the Constitution. That shielding these people from prosecution is the best way to ensure that it will happen again.

Other people think that the best thing to do is just go forward...resolve never to let it happen again. America's loss of credibility and moral authority in the world should be lesson enough for future politicians.

Many people think we expect Sheriff Obama to ride into Dodge City and clean up the whole town all at once, instead of ridin' out on the range dealin' with the murderin' and rustlin' happening now...that Obama and the government have enough to deal with right now.

Besides, by revealing the torture guidelines, Obama has already "sentenced" Bush and his cronies to a thinking, rational public.

Anyway, I thought it was up to the Justice Department, not the White House, to decide whether to prosecute federal crimes. We just got rid of a White House that used the Justice Dept. as another wing of their Republican party.

I'm hoping that Barack Obama is NOT the kind of president who will engage in that form of governmental corruption.

I can see it all now - if Obama did prosecute the crimes of the Bush administration, the righties would piss and moan about persecution and partisan revenge. They would conveniently forget about Bill Clinton...who was punished far more for far less crimes.

If you want to take a little trip into depravity...here are the memos:

http://documents.nytimes.com/bush-administration-terrorism-memos#p=1

"Crank up the crazy and rip off the knob!" said Stephen Colbert about Glenn Beck. Even conservative comedian Dennis Miller said - "That is one shaky cat."

But I'm not sure people should be laughing. The consequences of Fox News' doomsday programming seem to me to be very dangerous.

Homeland Security is right to keep a close watch on the hard-core wingnut crazies and who they try to recruit. Now, I'm not speaking of all Republicans, I have friends and family among the more moderate ones. I'm speaking of the extremists, the nuts, the Reich-wing, the "Mud People" racists, the evangelical end-of-the-worlders. The crazies who bombed Oklahoma City and the Atlanta Olympics...who bomb gay bars and abortion clinics and shoot doctors.

Crazies like the Poplawski guy in Pittsburgh, who recently barricaded himself - with all the guns he was afraid Obama would take away - inside his mother's apartment and killed three policemen who answered her 911 call.

Crazies like Jim Adkisson who last year took his guns into the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church - a liberal church - started blasting away and killed two people and wounded several others while a group of schoolchildren sang songs up by the altar.

I blame the actions of those two crazies on the incendiary rhetoric of rabid rightwing media.

For example: Fox New's Glenn Beck had a film of goose-stepping Nazi's in the background as he warned his audience about the president's "agenda". He tells them that Obama "will slowly but surely take away your gun or take away your ability to shoot a gun or carry a gun."

The police say that just weeks before the shootings, this Poplawski had uploaded a video clip of Beck's ranting to a white supremist web site.

This is the kind of paranoia that caused ex-Marine Timothy McViegh to blow up the Oklahoma City Federal Building...168 dead.

The FBI said McViegh went to meetings of the white supremacist paramilitary "Christian" group called the Covenant. That he spent most of the last two years before he bombed the Okla. City building wandering through gun shows, carrying a dog-eared copy of a very scary novel, "The Turner Diaries"...an underground bible and handbook for the radical right on how to make bombs, about a bloody race war against Jews and "other nonwhites."

And that Adkisson guy in Tennessee? When police went to his home to find a motive and evidence, they found right-wing hate literature...including a copy of shock-radio jock Mike Savage's "Liberalism is a Mental Disorder". They also found a "suicide" note explaining his actions. Why did he do it? He hated Liberals.

Adkisson wrote "this cancer, this pestilence" and candidate "Osama Hussein Obama" would march America toward ruin - "Liberals are evil...The only way we can rid ourselves of this evil is kill them in the streets. Kill them where they gather...."

So, not only do we have to worry about Foreign Terrorists...we also need to watch out for these homegrown extremist crazies.

We certainly have to watch out for right-wing media ...the Glenn Becks, Mike Savages, Rush Limbaughs and Sean Hannitys...the ones who feed wingnut fear...the ones who spread the kind of paranoia that causes these crazies to act.

The ones who preach that Obama is a secret Muslim not born in America and part of an Islamic plot to take over the US...or setting up a fascist government (or communist, they can't make up their minds) with secret concentration camps for conservatives...which will take away their guns, shut down conservative talk radio...and adopt a world currency that is not the dollar!?

Crazy stuff! Gah...do they ever listen to themselves?

These guys are out there neck and neck in the Crazy Derby.

Reminds me of some of the crazy crap the right made up about the Clintons...that they were murderers and drug runners, etc., etc.

Party Leader Rush Limbaugh was at the head of that little hate campaign too.

The right-wing media play a scary and dangerous game by embracing this type of paranoid rhetoric that people like Poplawski and Adkisson are acting on. Fox News uses the propaganda power of TV to wade into a place that no other news organization ever dared to go in the history of television.

Of course, all this sour-grapes fueled craziness scares us and makes us fear for the safety of our president. It's completely irresponsible...such conspiracy theories have long been staples of the militia movement.

It's time that true Republicans realized the real-world dangers of these dang lies and stepped forward to condemn this fear-mongering. I see some rightie bloggers are already doing just that - Little Green Footballs for one.

Until they do, I guess it's good for Democrats. Glenn Beck's craziness alone puts off moderate and independent voters. See what I mean:

"He rants, he raves, and he can cry hysterically on cue. But what actually makes Fox News star Glenn Beck a phenomenon? Watch the nine principles behind his meteoric rise—complete with goofy noises"

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-03-30/the-mad-genius-of-glenn-beck

I like a good healthy two-party system, but today's GOP is in terrible trouble with their extreme religious, anti-science, zealotry...their crazies are at the helm and no one else seems strong enough to take it away from them.

If Obama is even slightly successful in our economic recovery, this crazy wing of the Republican Party will probably slowly fade away...as its viewpoint becomes even more irrelevant to our nation's real problems...as its core of true believers ages and passes on.

Hopefully, the Republicans will hold their last "tea party" in a nursing home somewhere in Orange County, California.

I was looking for this song by Ray Charles, but couldn't find it...but I did find it by one of my favorite actresses.

Meryl Streep is a far better actress than a singer, but I like how she did this Ray Charles classic...sort of simple and spontaneous.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9_dn1Rm9Do&feature=player_embedded

Still determined to find a goodie by Ray, I found this little nugget - him doing A Song For You with Willie Nelson and Leon Russel (who wrote it and is a good Okie from my hometown).

"From the DVD "Willie Nelson and Friends - Live & Kickin", it was Willie Nelson's 70th birthday party at New York City's famed Beacon Theatre on April 9, 2003. Leon and Willie take a verse, of this Leon Russell original, and let Ray finish it up, as only Ray (one-take) could. He died not long after this...."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sXGT0WhFnU

Like the guy says, Ray sort of took off with it and they let him...it probably takes a lot to bring a tear to Willie's eyes.

It sucks to be on the losing team, I remember well. When GWBush won the first time I said, well, we can get through this, and I stood behind him, especially after 9/11...but then he lost me when he let Afghanistan slide and started the Iraq war.

So I do understand rightie sour grapes...what I don't understand is why they are so crazy bonkers to destroy Obama. They hate everything the new administration wants to do, even if it would be good for them and the country.

Republicans are doing everything in their power to make sure the new president doesn't succeed at anything...and if it further damages our economy, so be it! Their stubbornness over the stimulus bill only set Obama up for a win-win - if the economy gets better Obama and the Democrats alone get the credit...if it doesn't, the Republican’s obstruction will be blamed.

Yes, whatever President Obama does, or tries to do, is shot down by the Republican party's broken wing of hard righties. They completely ignore the fact that the majority of Americans - two-thirds? - support the president, and his popularity and approval ratings seem to rise, or at least hold steady, every week.

Sour grape righties said he doesn't have a valid birth certificate, then they accused him of being a Muslim, thinking anyone with a name like that must not be a Christian. They probably forgot that the Constitution says anyone - Christian, Muslim, Jew, or even atheist - has a right to be president.

But the majority of Americans didn't buy the birth certificate tale, or the Muslim connection...and his approval ratings continued to rise.

The only time Obama ever worried me - when he believed he could get bipartisan support. I said don't tell me I know the Republicans better than he does. Anyone keeping track of their actions and rhetoric could surely see that they are hell bent on becoming even more partisan than ever before. I told myself that maybe Obama knew what was going to happen all along and was just setting them up for a wicked ass-whoop’n in the mid-term elections.

There is still a centrist wing of the Republican party, but they're hesitant to directly confront Chairman Limbaugh...whose gigantic ego clogs the arteries of the moderate wing. Too bad...remember true conservatives like William F. Buckley?

It was sort of scary watching some of the news footage of the Anti-Tax/Tea Party gatherings from the other day. Partisan spite bubbled over as they waved teabags all about, and some of their signs were creepy and almost racist. Signs held by little kids. I saw only one brown face in all the crowds.

I did see some concerned citizens interviewed that I could identify with, but they were few and far between. But hey, such protests play a constructive role in our democracy...wealthy right-wing lobbyists/funders have the right to stage any event they want. Okay, that was snarky...but true.

These tea-baggers were all frothed up...when they weren't calling President Obama a Nazi, they were calling him a socialist. Folks, I don't think you can be both. A socialist because he wants to spend tax dollars to turn the economy around and help people, instead of on out-of-date military equipment. A little odd...but if a SMALL minority of citizens want to protest this, thank goodness they have the right to do so.

Everybody is arguing about the tea party turnout...yet, even with all the hype on Fox, it looks like the tea-baggers drew less protesters nationwide than either the immigration rallies or the anti-war protests.

"Fair and balanced" Fox News did a fine job organizing and aggressively promoting the tea party protests. I thought it ironic that several of the protesters were dressed up like revolutionary war soldiers as they called for the overthrow of our government...

BTW - In case you missed it, here's The Daily Show's Jon Stewart taking on a slew of hard right-wingers for their over the top rhetoric about President Obama only ten weeks into his presidency.

"Stewart: Yes, tyranny. A.K.A. our democratically elected President. You know what guys....I think you might be confusing tyranny with losing. And I feel for you because ah...I've been there. A few times. In fact one of them was a bit of a nail biter. But see, when the guy that you disagree with gets elected, he's probably going to do things you disagree with. He could cut taxes on the wealthy. Remove government's oversight capability. Invade a country that you thought should not be invaded but that's not tyranny. That's democracy.

See now you're in the minority. It's supposed to taste like a s#%t taco. And by the way, if I remember correctly when a disagreement was expressed about that President's actions when ya'll were in power I believe the response was "Why do you hate America?". "Watch what you say." "Love it or leave it." "Suck on my truck nuts." ..... For god's sake guys. You've been out of power for ten f*%#ng weeks. You've got a mid-term election in twenty months. Pace your rage!"

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=223862&title=baracknophobia-obey

Treat yourself and watch the whole thing. My favorite part..."I think you might be confusing tyranny with losing." THAT is exactly what the problem is. They are incapable of accepting that THEY LOST THE ELECTION!

New Rule: Since Glenn Beck is clearly onto us, liberals must launch our plan for socialist domination immediately. Listen closely, comrades. I've received word from General Soros and our partners in the U.N. "Operation Streisand" is a 'go.' [suspenseful music plays]

Marcos Moulitsas, you and your DailyKos-controlled army of gay Mexican day laborers will join forces with Michael Moore's Prius-tank division. North of Branson where you will seize the guns of everyone who doesn't blame America first, forcing them into the FEMA concentration camps! That's where ACORN and I will re-educate them as atheists and declare victory in the war on Christmas!

New Rule: If nobody is clear on what you're protesting, it's not a protest. Thousands of people gathered in London this week to voice their disapproval of the G-20. Their basic message being, "Stop all your globalizing and unite the world!"

New Rule: You can't look at the "before" and "after" and tell me these two didn't do it on the plane. [slide of Obamas entering and exiting plane] He's got the smile of a guy who just had his package approved -- and she's wearing a different dress. And that's the difference between this administration and the last one. One screwed over the ocean, and the other screwed over the ocean.

New Rule: You can't be a fashion designer if you hate women. [slide of fashion model wearing brightly-colored "feather-duster-like" dress] You know, I don't pretend to know everything women want, but I'm pretty sure one thing they don't want is to dress like a gay Muppet. This outfit doesn't say couture; it says "car wash." The last time something like that was on a runway, it flew into Captain Sullenberger's engine.

New Rule: You know you have a drinking problem when your car is a barstool. Police in Ohio arrested a man after he crashed his motorized barstool. Although in his defense, the man said he was depressed because he just lost his job as CEO of General Motors.

And finally, New Rule: Human beings are such slobs, from now on, pigs must declare us the other white meat. Do you know that right now, there is so much discarded trash in outer space that three times last month, the International Space Station was almost hit by some useless hunk of floating metal? Not unlike the International Space Station itself.

So, really, you've got to give the human race credit. Only humans could visit an infinite void and leave it cluttered. Not only have we screwed up our own planet, somehow we have also managed to use up all the space in... space.

Now, history shows over and over again that if the citizens of earth put their minds to it, they can destroy anything. It doesn't matter how remote or pristine, together... "Yes, we can...f*** it up!"

I mean, the age of space exploration is only 50 years old, and we have already managed to turn the "final frontier" into the New Jersey Meadowlands.

You know what's up there? Old satellites, spent rocket boosters. Neil Armstrong's golf club. That canister with Gene Roddenberry's ashes. Empty Tang jars. Discarded astronaut diapers. It's over 100,000 items, my favorite being a NASA space glove, which, in 1965, was lost by astronaut Ed White. I can't tell you why he had his glove off... except to say that, in space, it can get very lonely.

Now, the reason this is so worrisome -- I mean, the debris itself, not the masturbating in space -- is something called the Kessler Syndrome, wherein the more debris there is flying around, the more collisions occur, which exponentially expands the amount of debris, making it impossible to keep satellites up there. So pretty soon, we lose the cell phone networks. And then we face a world where teenagers are forced to send each other pictures of their genitals by mail!

Of course, the other seemingly limitless expanse we've endangered lately is the ocean, which we are killing. Why? Because the Bible says God gave us dominion over the earth, which is taken to mean that God was saying, "This is your rental car. Taketh it and beateth the shit out of it!" "Who careth? It is a rental!"

Did you know that there is now floating in the Pacific Ocean a 3.5-million ton island of shit made up of all the indestructible crap we toss away, the stuff that will never break down, like Styrofoam and old Clorox bottles. And it's twice the size of Texas. That's right, the Pacific Ocean now contains more white trash than Texas!

Marine biologists call it the "Great Pacific Garbage Patch," and say it is so out of control that it can't be cleaned up, and it's going to be with us forever, just taking up space and killing wildlife. Like a giant Sarah Palin."

[from HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher]

"This Wednesday, April 15th, taxes are due, but people who work for President Obama are busy doing their taxes for 1998, '99, 2000." --Jay Leno

"Well, look at this. I pick up the paper today, and according to a survey on how Americans will spend their tax returns, 48 percent say they'll pay debts, 39 percent will save it, 27 percent will use it for everyday expenses, 11 percent will make a major purchase, and another 11 percent will use it for vacation. OK, that adds up to 136 percent. OK, there's the problem right there!" --Jay Leno

"So the Navy Seal snipers shot three pirates. They shot them at the same time, simultaneously. I mean that is sharp shooting, ladies and gentlemen. Boom, all of them gone. I mean, something like that hasn't really happened since the last Dick Cheney hunting trip." --Jimmy Fallon

"Well, you've been watching the big score over the weekend, huh? Navy 3, pirates 0. Yeah! As you know, Navy Seals kicked some Somali pirate booty this weekend. I tell you, those Navy Seals, what incredible marksmen. They shot the three pirates without hitting the captain or any of the parrots that were sitting on the pirates' shoulders." --Jay Leno

"I tell you this, this Capt. Richard Phillips is a genuine American hero. He allowed himself to be taken hostage to save the lives of his crew. And did you know that this Captain Phillips used to be a cab driver in Boston? In fact, so were half the Somali pirates that kidnapped him." --Jay Leno

"Anyway, they asked Captain Phillips what he's going to do now. And he said he's going to Disneyland to wipe out the Pirates of the Caribbean. So I think he's a little wound up." --Jay Leno

"You know, it's interesting, I tell you. We were off last week. And I have to admit when I first heard that a pirate in Africa had grabbed someone hostage, I thought, 'Boy, Madonna is really committed to that adoption.'" --Jay Leno

"Anyway, U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder tried to put all this in perspective. He said this is the first act of piracy against the United States literally 'in hundreds of years.' Well, if you don't count AIG, of course." --Jay Leno

"Do you remember when President Obama was President-elect Obama and he said the kids wanted a dog? Well, they've got a dog now. And they are going to be formally introducing the dog. They chose three breeds, but two of them were eliminated because of tax problems." --Jimmy Fallon

"Of course, the big story is that the Obamas got their new puppy! How about that, huh? On Fox News, they declared that the dog is a Muslim socialist." --Jay Leno

"Of course, the hardest thing these days about paper-training a puppy is finding a newspaper that's still in business." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Leno

"Actually, this has become a first family tradition. All the first families have had a dog. The Obamas have Bo, that's the name of the dog. The Bushes had Barney. The Clintons, of course, had Bill." --Jay Leno

"Anyway, reports are saying that the White House staff loved the dog. But the chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, is jealous, because until the puppy arrived, he was the cutest little guy in the White House." --Craig Ferguson

[gathered from NYTimes Laughlines]

...you're made of stone.

This is the story of Christian the Lion...who was bought in a dept. store and raised by these two fellows in London. When the lion got too big they took him to Africa and introduced him to the wild. This is a video of them coming back to see him many years later...will Christian remember them?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVNTdWbVBgc

Watch more at http://animal.discovery.com ...

Hooray! Captain Richard Phillips - a very brave ship captain whose actions made it possible for his entire crew to get to safety - is rescued!

What a great day! Navy Seals Rock! Those two-bit pirates better think again before they boast - "We are not afraid of the Americans."

Bravo US navy...so many young men and women away from home just so they might step up when needed to keep us safe. Well done!

Boo to all the righties who were desperately trying to spin this hostage deal as an example of how 'we' are less safe under Obama's leadership.

Captain Phillips was rescued during a brilliant mission. The Navy made requests of President Obama and he worked with them and allowed them to execute the mission with his full support. He issued a standing order that the military was to shoot those pirate bastards if the captain's life was in immediate danger. It was and they did.

Well, all this - Obama being a strong leader, stepping up and working well with the military in a crisis situation - is driving the hard-right crazy. Ever since the hostage crisis developed they've been mocking Obama...hoping that he would appear weak and fail.

Righties spent the first part of the weekend accusing Obama of demonstrating weakness in his response to the kidnapping...they called him "our Eunuch-in-Chief" and accused him of crippling the US through his policies of "accommodation and capitulation".

The morally bankrupt right-wing and "conservative" media hacks have mindlessly attacked everything Obama has done starting with the Inauguration. As much as they want to see everything fail during this his administration, it's their own hatred of Obama that failed.

Since there's no shortage of small wooden boats with outboards, AK-47s and RPGs, and impoverished people with nothing to lose - the piracy problem will continue.

Much more needs to be done in the region to shut this organized crime down. Like instead of paying millions in ransom - which drives up the cost of the goods they carry - these shipping companies need to pay armed guards (what is the former Blackwater doing now?) to patrol the deck 24/7.

Blow those pirate bastards out of the water if they keep coming...after a warning, of course. I don't give a dang about international law on the high seas, everyone has the right to protect themselves and their cargo.

Here's more:

"The president's focus was on saving and protecting the life of the captain," one adviser said. Friday evening, after a National Security Council telephone update, Obama granted U.S. forces what aides called "the authority to use appropriate force to save the life of the captain." On Saturday at 9:20 a.m., Obama went further, giving authority to an "additional set of U.S. forces to engage in potential emergency actions."

A top military official, Vice Adm. William E. Gortney, commander of the Fifth Fleet, explained that Obama issued a standing order that the military was to act if the captain's life was in immediate danger."

"Our authorities came directly from the president," he said. "And the number one authority for incidents if we were going to respond was if the captain's life was in immediate danger. And that is the situation in which our sailors acted."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/12/AR2009041203002.html?hpid=topnews

Help me, Glenn Beck! Tell me what to burn!

And what if the brainwashing books are brainwashing us to burn the non-brainwashing books?

This is your Republican party...this is your Republican party on sour-grapes fueled hysteria drugs...

Check out this video of an actual Project 912 Glenn Beck Tea Party...which contains more than your recommended daily serving of crazy. You need to skip ahead to around the five minute mark and listen to the off-camera exchange between a crazy man and woman who make the crazy 'markets' man sound not so crazy.

Trust me, just do it…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwdOwgD5OsY&feature=player_embedded

"When Michelle Obama was photographed in London wearing clothes from J-Crew, the store sold out of the clothes she'd been wearing. Now if someone could just get her to drive a Chrysler." --Seth Meyers

"Three different customers at a grocery store in Queens, New York, all bought peppers that turned out to have bags of cocaine stuffed inside them. Well, you thought spicy food kept you up all night." --Jay Leno

"Guess which state joined the gay marriage bandwagon? You'll never guess: Iowa. Iowa's gay population, all two of them, rejoiced." --Bill Maher

"Hey, before we get started tonight, I want to remind any potential cabinet members you have until April 15th to not pay your taxes, okay?" --Jay Leno

"President Obama took on the teachers union by saying he wants merit pay for teachers and to fire the ones who do not perform well. That is pretty bold. A Democrat taking on the unions is like Rush Limbaugh going after the doughnut manufacturers." --Jay Leno

"And there was a big rally on Wall Street after Citigroup reported a profit for the first two months of the year. That just goes to show you what determination, hard work, and 45 billion of our bailout dollars can do." --Jay Leno

"Here's a sign of the times are a-changin. The governor of Virginia has signed a new law banning smoking in bars and restaurants. In Virginia. See, that’s significant because Virginia is, like, the tobacco state. That would be like the governor of California banning breast implants." --Jay Leno

"When the president met with Queen Elizabeth, he presented her with an iPod loaded with Broadway show tunes while she gave him a silver framed picture of her and Prince Phillip. There were no winners in that gift exchange, because when I think of things an 83-year-old, super-rich British woman would want, an iPod is pretty far down the list, right between a bus pass and sneakers with the wheels on the bottom." --Seth Meyers

"Conservatives aren't happy with Obama because he basically fired the CEO of General Motors, and they said he's interfering with private industry's ability to run our country into the ground." --Bill Maher

"How's this for hypocrisy? While Congress has been chastising companies for giving out bonuses, last year, members of Congress gave out over $9 million in bonuses, paid for by the taxpayer, to their staff. But Congress is saying they're not hypocrites because this extra money they give their staff really isn't bonus money. It's hush money. They just call it bonus money for legal reasons." --Jay Leno

"And months after Alaska Senator Ted Stevens was convicted for taking illegal gifts and lost his re-election, the Justice Department now wants all charges dropped. Apparently, there was such misconduct by the prosecution that he's going to be a free man and he gets to keep all the gifts. When he heard that, Rod Blagojevich announced he is moving to Alaska." --Jay Leno

"And according to MSNBC, experts say insomnia can double your risk of suicide. Well, that'll help you fall asleep." --Jay Leno

"President Obama met Queen Elizabeth and gave her an iPod with 40 Broadway songs loaded on it. Someone needs to tell Barack not all queens like show tunes." --Jimmy Fallon

"So they gave the Queen an iPod. I remember when British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was here, the Obamas gave him a DVD box set. So, it looks like they're saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the Pope." --Jay Leno

(Gathered from NYTimes Laugh Lines)

Saturday morning chill out time with John Lee Hooker and Carlos Santana...

"The blues tells a story. Every line of the blues has a meaning." - John Lee Hooker

"Some songs are just like tattoos for your brain... you hear them and they're affixed to you." - Carlos Santana

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wv0NyWoO0R4&NR=1

Yesterday President Obama showed what supporting the troops really means. Vets are happy about their medical records being computerized (see their reactions below)...which will help them get treated more quickly and efficiently. They can stop hand-carrying their medical records from one VA office to another...which can become confusing when you're brain-damaged.

Maybe this will stop the "lost records" problem that many vets have faced when they tried to qualify for war related injuries.

Of course, this overhaul will take great effort and a while to set up, but it's a beginning...and long overdue.

It’s a big step from an Administration that talked a lot about veterans and "supporting the troops"...but instead served up nothing but stop-loss and unending tours, leaving our military stretched and worn. Bush/Cheney ignored what continued to bubble over at the VA on their watch. They could have taken action at any moment.

But it was President Obama who put forth a new policy instituting Vets e-Records, which gives all veterans hope that they won’t be lost in the system, finally getting the basic tools they have earned from a grateful nation who owes them so much.

From nytimes.com: "President Obama announced plans on Thursday to computerize the medical records of veterans into a unified system, a move that is expected to ease the now-cumbersome process that results in confusion, lost records and bureaucratic delays.

Medical information will flow directly from the military to the Department of Veterans Affairs' health care system. At present, veterans must hand carry their medical records to Veterans Affairs' facilities once they leave active-duty service. The Veterans Affairs system has a backlog of 800,000 disability claims, which means that veterans typically wait six months for decisions on their cases. ....

Mr. Obama also voiced support for a measure that would allow Congress to approve the money for veterans' medical care one year in advance. Congress has been routinely late in passing the bill that finances the Department of Veterans Affairs, a delay that hampers medical care for veterans and makes planning difficult. ....

Paul Rieckhoff, the executive director of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, said that modernizing medical records and allowing the two systems -- military and veterans affairs -- to talk to each other would have a dramatic effect on care.

Recently, Mr. Rieckhoff said, a Veterans Affairs doctor told him he had encountered a soldier with a brain injury, an amputation and a septic leg. The doctor had no idea how the man had been hurt because he did not have a complete file, he said.

"If you are a wounded service member, you have no continuity through the system," Mr. Rieckhoff said on Thursday."

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/10/us/politics/10vets.html?_r=1&partner=rss&emc=rss

Electronic medical records aren't just important for veterans, but for the elderly and anyone with multiple illnesses. We always talk about our healthcare "system" but there is no system. It's nothing more than a patchwork of providers and insurers, etc....with everybody looking out for their own profits and self-interests, bottom lines, and share holders...none of which has anything to do with quality of care.

Private sector competition sounds good in most cases, but when it comes to health care it just doesn't work.

The VA is as close to a single-payer system as we have, and it seems to outperform private sector care when it comes to quality and cost -- but it's still bogged down in private sector care when it comes to records.

This right-wing paranoia that says government can do no good is killing us. Literally.

Here's a full transcript of President Obama's remarks on improving veterans' health care:

http://www.stripes.com/09/apr09/obama.html

Here's what the veterans are saying:

http://blogs.stripes.com/blogs/stripes-central/vets-react-obamas-promise-reform-va

Righties are attacking President Obama for "bowing" down to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia...but thank goodness one conservative blog - Little Green Footballs - has placed this in perspective with a picture of George Bush also bowing.

"This deference to a very bad country has been going on for decades; it didn’t start with Barack Obama, or with George W. Bush, or with John F. Kennedy for that matter.

Instead of impeaching Barack Obama, America needs to impeach its gas tanks.

And just imagine how much screaming there would be if Obama had let Abdullah hang a medal around his neck."

http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/33289_Bush_Bowed_Too

It's nice to see a fair-minded opinion in a rightie blog...I might have to pay more attention to this one.

"I'm so happy you people are here tonight. Thank you very much because last night, you remember those people last night? I don't know if they were dumb, but they were very quiet. I'll tell you, last night, the audience was as quiet as a General Motors showroom." --David Letterman

"Hey, you hear about this? A voice from the past, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who may run for president in 2012, that's the rumor, has converted to Catholicism. So after a number of affairs, two divorces, and three marriages, how would you like to get stuck behind him for that first confession, huh?" --Jay Leno

"You know what's interesting? Today, a reporter in Crawford, Texas, asked former President George Bush how he felt about General Motors and Bush said, 'You know, since I left office, I don't really follow the Iraq war anymore.'" --Jay Leno

"People are pissed off. Did you hear this? This is not a joke. Melissa Etheridge says she will not pay taxes in California until they legalize gay marriage. Let's see. A high-profile liberal who won't pay taxes. Sounds like someone who wants to be in the Obama Cabinet!" --Bill Maher

"Barack Obama made his first trip as president to England. Here is my question. If the President is in England, who's running General Motors?" --Jay Leno

"See, I feel confident that it'll go well, because President Obama is very good with these economic leaders. He is a very good speaker, of course, and a good speech writer. See, the problem with President Bush was when he went to the summit, any time anyone said G20, he'd go, 'Bingo!'" --Jay Leno

"As you know by now, the government is now taking an active role in the auto business. President Obama offering hope, change, and 0 percent financing." --Jay Leno

"And more embarrassment for the President. Just a few weeks after President Obama named Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius as his Health and Human Services nominee, she now reveals she owes over $7,000 in back taxes. Another one owes. See, that's the difference between the two political parties right there. Republicans believe in no new taxes. Democrats believe in no old ones." --Jay Leno

"I like to contrast what President Obama is up to and what John McCain, his opponent in the general election, is up to. For example, Obama met with 17 political leaders from 11 nations. He will attend five summits in different countries around Europe. Today, comparatively speaking, John McCain watched his 89 Caddy go through the car wash." --David Letterman

"President Obama is giving General Motors 60 days to come up with strategy of viability for the American taxpayers' money. You know what G.M. should have said? 'Hey, you first.'" --Jay Leno

"Actually, President Obama guarantees that if you buy a G.M. or Chrysler product and they don't survive, they will back your warranty. Well, that's great news for consumers. Combine the efficiency of the Federal government with the honesty of car mechanics." --Jay Leno

"Now, I don't know if anybody here is a smoker. I hope you're not...soon the single-largest tobacco tax in history goes into effect. And I was listening to the radio. I had talk radio coming in this morning. A smoker was complaining, 'This is the worst news for smokers ever.' The worst news. Really? Gee, I remember worse news. It was called cancer. Wasn't it, huh? Wasn't that a little bit worse than an extra buck a pack?" --Jay Leno

"There's a new tax on tobacco - 62 cents a pack. It goes into effect tomorrow. It's the biggest Federal tax hike on cigarettes ever. Ironic that they would hike taxes on people who cannot hike." --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama is asking all of us to pitch in. He says even if only 10 percent of us smoke only one pack a day, we can cut this deficit in half." --Jimmy Kimmel

"According to the government, Rick Wagoner was forced to resign because of poor performance. That's embarrassing. You run an organization that loses billions of dollars and then get fired by a guy who heads up an organization that loses trillions of dollars." --Jay Leno

"Here's the part I find odd. Now, the government didn't ask any of those Wall Street C.E.O.s to quit. Isn't that kind of a double standard? I mean, if you build Cadillacs, you're screwed. But if your chauffeur drives a Cadillac, you're okay. Whew!" --Jay Leno

"And Republican Congressman Peter King says he's very upset that Notre Dame, where he went to law school, is giving an honorary degree to President Obama, even though Obama is pro-choice. He said that giving Obama an honorary degree is putting him in an exalted position. Really? Isn't he President of the United States? You think that little certificate from Notre Dame is going to push him right over the top?" --Jay Leno

"Fox News launched a new editorial website that is based solely on reporters' opinions, not on the facts of the stories themselves. They're calling the site Fox News." --Jimmy Fallon

"The Republicans released their budget counter-proposal this week. It plans to address the deficit, global warming, healthcare, energy, massive tax cuts for the rich. I'm not kidding. Also, there are no numbers in this budget. It's a budget plan without any math in it. You know, Obama should have saved that Special Olympics joke for these retards." --Bill Maher

During the first seven weeks of Barack Obama's presidency, Wall Street's Dow Industrials dropped from 7,949.08 to 6,547.04. Republicans hooted and said this was a sure sign that the White House's economic policies were a big mess turning into a bigger failure...that the new president was a fool and didn't know what he was doing.

Then, during the next four weeks the Dow went from 6,547.04 to 8,017.59. Now, did those same Republicans come out and say that this is evidence of a smart White House economic policy? And that the president is now some sort of a genius?

I'm not holding my breath...

How about if, four weeks from now, the Dow is back down 1,000 points, how will President Obama's detractors on the right explain that the same president with the same agenda went from being a fool to a hero to a fool again...all in the scope of a few months?

Seriously, my point is - neither side should try to use the Dow as a popularity gage. And yes, I have been guilty...

This is the kind of leadership we need. No neck-rubbing of chancellors or talking to prime ministers with a mouth full of bread.

President Barack Obama had a very good day at the G-20 summit yesterday...that was not so notable for the $1 trillion pledged and what the leaders accomplished, but for a private moment that is now getting a lot of attention.

It seems that he worked behind the scenes to settle a spat over tax shelters between French President Sarkozy and Hu Jintao, President of the People's Republic of China.

According to an official in the room, Obama stepped between the two men and urged them to try to compromise, giving them a "pep talk" about the importance of working together. And with translators and sherpas in tow, they finally reached an agreement and shook hands.

Whatever took place, it required a very strong and intuitive insight on our President's behalf...he had to be mindful of things like "saving face". This says a lot about our President, who was able to keep a rift from souring, even derailing, the unity of a meeting that only had one day to get anything done.

I loved his press conference. It takes a keen intelligence to create Obama’s calm charisma and spontaneous, nearly surgical, responses. He inspires confidence not only in the majority of Americans, but the world at large. It's easy to see that he acts altruistically instead of egotistically.

But President Obama still can't do anything right in the eyes of Republicans. First they warned that he has no experience, wait till he meets some of these tried and tested world leaders. Okay...he arrives at "school" and not only does he convince most of them that he belongs, but also shows the "tried and tested" world leaders how to play ball...how to get things moving.

I hope it didn't embarrass him too much when the Indian Prime Minister asked him for his autograph.

And still the Republicans are telling us he's a disaster, or like Limbaugh, wishing for a disaster...don't forget, these are the same guys who were telling us Palin is more qualified than Obama.

So, we didn't hear any grumbling from world titans like the R's expected. Something happened at the G-20 for President Obama...he already had the admiration of the majority of our citizens, and now has a new respectful relationship with world leaders.

I loved this quote:

"Well, if it’s just Roosevelt and Churchill sitting in a room with a brandy, you know, that’s an easier negotiation. But that’s not the world we live in. And it shouldn’t be the world that we live in." - President Barack Obama

Oh yes, back home the House and Senate passed his budget, give or take a billion or two, but still mostly following President Obama's specifications.

It was a very good day for the President.

New Rule: Waiters must stop saying, "Did you save room for dessert?" This is America. We don't save room for dessert. We MAKE room for dessert. Dessert isn't a delightful way to cap off a meal. It's a challenge. In Russia, they swim in sub-zero temperatures; in Spain, they run with the bulls; here, we eat forty pounds of goo from a place called the Cheesecake Factory.

New Rule: If we really want to find out what made Bernie Madoff did with all that money, we must turn him over to Dick Cheney. After all, one outrageous pyramid scheme deserves another. [slide of nude Abu Ghraib prisoner pyramid]

New Rule: There's only one thing to say about the Christian Film and Television Committee giving me the "Bigoted Bile Award" and naming "Religulous" the number-one most unbearable movie of 2008. Thank you! You hate me, you really hate me!

New Rule: The model/clerks working the door at Abercrombie must stop showing me where their pubes should be. Abercrombie and Fitch has shirtless models greeting people at their stores in the mall, which is all fun and games until Wal-Mart follows suit. [slide of shirtless, overweight Wal-Mart greeter]

And finally, New Rule: If you go to a cattle call audition for "America's Next Top Model" and get caught in a herd-like stampede, the title you really deserve is "America's Next Top Sirloin." Now, if you missed what happened when Tyra Banks sent out the "Bat Signal" last Saturday -- and asked women to come and try out for her show, here's a few seconds of it. [video clip shown of street mob rushing the building]

Work it, girls! Riots are fierce! You know, the big difference between this and an actual cattle call is that cows are better organized. And slimmer. People, please, I'm trying to help!

Look, instead of almost getting trampled to death trying to figure out if you're a top model, just ask yourself some basic questions: Are you six feet tall? Are you equal parts Brazilian, Ukrainian and Eskimo? .... No? Then you're not a top model. You're just a hot chick with your thong sticking out.

Now, I'm not trying to be mean. It's just that being a model isn't a job that random doofuses off the street can apply for, like working at the Gap, or being head of the Republican National Committee.

Real models don't wait on lines. They snort them. A real model doesn't audition. She's chosen. One minute, you're a normal 14-year-old girl sucking down a chili dog outside a Tastee Freeze; and then a talent scout hands you his card, and then sleeps with you and never calls again. There, you're a model.

Which brings me to AIG. Not really, but there is a connection, which is, when did Americans become the something-for-nothings? When did we get this Lotto mentality that our only chance for success was to be plucked from obscurity and dropped onto Bret Michaels' Love Bus?

Or maybe it was when the super-wealthy - you know, the ones who create jobs when they get huge tax breaks - except they don't; they buy antique commodes and lap dances - maybe it was when those "job creators" stopped trickling the money down, leaving the working class with none of the gains and all of the cynicism that goes with thinking the game is fixed.

Maybe that's what leads to "Guitar Hero" culture, where everyone wants to be a rock star, but nobody wants to learn the chords.

You know, Paris and Nicole and Kim are nice girls. But, let's not forget, they do and have done nothing. Not even acted in anything they'd admit to. But, they're not reviled or dismissed for being ciphers. They're adored for it. Because they exemplify the national ideal: they got a lot for doing nothing.

The AIG guys wanted a lot for not just doing nothing, but for failing - no matter that they are the very people who schemed their company into the ground - they want their bonuses. And Myrna from Long Island wants to be a "Top Model"! F**k reality!!

Well here's a reality check. America's actual top model for the last four years has been the Toyota Camry.

How cool is this...a chunkier version of 'smart dust. Wait 'til you see the picture. A new invention, tiny sensors that we can use to protect our homes, businesses and borders ... inexpensive security guards scattered around like dew-drops on rocks, fence posts, windows and doorways. They can be networked to tell the difference between humans, animals, cars and trucks.

"Electronic Ears, Noses, Skin and Eyes"

"[U]nlike conventional alarm systems, each droplet of Smart Dew can be programmed to monitor a different condition. Sounds could be picked up by a miniature microphone. The metal used in the construction of cars and tractors could be detected by a magnetic sensor. Smart Dew droplets could also be programmed to detect temperature changes, carbon monoxide emissions, vibrations or light.

Each droplet sends a radio signal to a "base station" that collects and analyzes the data. Like the signals sent out by cordless phones, RF is a safe, low-power solution, making Prof. Shapira's technology extremely cost-effective compared to other concepts.[..]"

http://www.aftau.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=9207

Thanks to my friend J in MI for the tip.